The XFL is back. Sort of. Almost.
The XFL is back in the news. Let’s just go with that.
Nearly two decades after the league folded the first time, Vince McMahon’s passion project of sorts is set to hit the restart button in 2020 with an eight-team league that figures to look much different than its predecessor—with an emphasis on employing high-character guys and—very likely—aiming to passive aggressively vilify the NFL when given the opportunity.
On Wednesday, the league revealed the host cities for each of its franchises with a slick little video:
Among the noteworthy takeaways is the XFL’s doubling down on Texas and a return of the sport to the city of St. Louis.
No team nicknames have been selected and, obviously, no actual team’s have been built just yet, but we have some suggestions.
JUST ANNOUNCED: The reimagined #XFL is thrilled to be coming to Dallas and excited to play at the new @GlobeLifePark, beginning in 2020!— XFL Dallas (@XFLDallas) December 5, 2018
Make your season ticket deposit today at https://t.co/NtbEPrMaYM#XFL2020 🔜 🏈 pic.twitter.com/yVW5xm8Fs3
Franchise Player: Tony Romo. Pay the former Cowboy whatever he wants to be the player-coach, sell a billion jerseys and a million tickets. Done, done and done.
Nickname: Sheriffs. It’s a law-abiding league, after all, and that’ll make redecorating the current home of the Rangers much simpler.
HEY HOUSTON!— XFL Houston (@XFLHouston) December 5, 2018
The #XFL is proud to be coming to your city and excited to take the field at @UHouston’s TDECU
Stadium, beginning in 2020!
Make your season ticket deposit today: https://t.co/nAJ9wKXjUZ#XFL2020 pic.twitter.com/CGnMj6e1Cs
Franchise Player: Greg Ward. The former University of Houston great will sell some tickets and can be used at virtually any offensive skill spot.
Nickname: Moonwalkers. It keeps in line with the city’s requisite usage of space-related terms and provides players with a ready-made end zone dance.
What’s up, L.A.? We could not be more excited to be bringing an #XFL team back to Los Angeles and we look forward to kicking things off in 2020 at the @StubHubCenter in Carson!— XFL Los Angeles (@XFLLosAngeles) December 5, 2018
Make your season ticket deposit today: https://t.co/oo0olc6Ja6#XFL2020 🔜 🏈 pic.twitter.com/FcxSr1V2Cv
Franchise Player: LeBron James. Did you guys know he used to play football? People forget that.
Nickname: Traffic. That way, the team name—Los Angeles Traffic—psychologically defeats opponents before the game ever begins.
IT’S OFFICIAL: The new-look #XFL is proud to be coming to New York and playing at @MLStadium, beginning in 2020! Make your season ticket deposit today: https://t.co/KF0BBLebbK #XFL2020 🔜 🏈 pic.twitter.com/2Uz2MFrTsJ— XFL New York (@XFLNY) December 5, 2018
Franchise Player: Mark Sanchez. Butt fumbles sell. It’s just facts.
Nickname: Jersey Boys. At least then, having a “New York” franchise playing in New Jersey makes some sense.
IT’S OFFICIAL! The #XFL is coming to Seattle and we could not be more excited to kick off our inaugural season at @CenturyLink_Fld in 2020. Make your season ticket deposit today: https://t.co/VTCQIQtRly⁰#XFL2020 🔜 🏈 pic.twitter.com/5FEJ3T9TYF— XFL Seattle (@XFLSeattle) December 5, 2018
Franchise Player: Jake Locker. There’s no joke, here. It’s time to revive the failed first round pick’s playoff career in the only city that ever loved him.
Nickname: Sonics. There, I just saved them. You’re welcome.
IT’S TRUE! Football is returning to St. Louis and we are thankful that we get to bring an #XFL team to The Dome at America’s Center, beginning in 2020! Make your season ticket deposit today: https://t.co/uEGIaiqSCp #XFL2020 🔜 🏈 pic.twitter.com/fcWjkzge3E— XFL St Louis (@XFLStLouis) December 5, 2018
Franchise Player: Nelly. Have you seen The Longest Yard? Nelly can ball. Who better to bring the sport back to St. Louis?
Nickname: Lunatics. I don’t know, just keep it going.
IT’S TRUE, TAMPA BAY!— XFL Tampa Bay (@XFLTampaBay) December 5, 2018
The #XFL is excited to become part of your sun-soaked community, and will call @RJStadium home when we kick off in 2020. Make your season ticket deposit today: https://t.co/QE8CGAX3Dz#XFL2020 pic.twitter.com/idlx03vXzW
Franchise Player: Quinton Flowers. Back to not joking. Flowers is the most recently relevant Tampa football star. He was last seen lining up at running back for the Bengals during the preseason, but I’d propose a move back to quarterback in his return to Tampa.
Nickname: Smoke. As it turns out, Tampa Bay is known as “The Cigar Capital of the World.” Shoutout to Google.
JUST ANNOUNCED: We are excited to bring an #XFL team to our Nation's Capital and to bring the gridiron to the beautiful, brand-new @AudiField. Make your season ticket deposit now at https://t.co/gIoPZmf42c pic.twitter.com/mhl5MD50bX— XFL Washington DC (@XFLDC) December 5, 2018
Franchise Player: Tim Tebow. Let’s jumpstart Tim’s inevitable run for political office by planting him in the backfield of our nation’s capital. If anyone can eliminate partisanship, it’s this guy.
Nickname: Department of Defense. Boom.