On his coach's show Tuesday evening, Oklahoma head coach Lincoln Riley confirmed that the Sooners have been informed that his players will not be allowed to flash the ‘Horns Down’ hand sign that has, for whatever stupid reason, become a massive trigger for Texas coaches, players and fans this year.
Fans can still do it, and so can we …
… but Oklahoma players will be penalized 15 yards for rudeness or something if they dare make their fingers into an upside down cow on Saturday.
That got us thinking about sign language, which was a weird turn of events, and ultimately begged the following question: In an effort to make sure every team in college football always feels warm and fuzzy, what other hand signs should be banned?
Here’s a list. Please take this very seriously.
1. Thumbs Down
Texas A&M has a hand sign of their own. It’s a simple thumbs up. The Aggies typically give you a thumbs up as they say, “Gig ‘em.” The whole thing is very confusing, but it is what it is.
But, whatever you do, do not give A&M fans a thumbs down. Thumbs down is meant to show displeasure or reflect poor performance. It’s rude. Don’t be rude.
2. The UV Ray
Oregon State fans make the letter “O” — sort of — with their arms. Oklahoma and Ohio State also do this on their way to other letters.
Moving forward, please refrain from inverting the “O.” It’ll look more like a U or a V or something and UV rays are harmful. I read that on a bottle of sun block once.
3. Guns Down
Oklahoma State and Texas Tech both make their hands into make-believe guns.
The first rule of gun safety is to never point the barrel of your gun at anything you do not intend to shoot. So, going “Guns Down” would be a dangerous precedent, as you’d essentially be pointing your pretend pistols at your neighbors on either side.
4. Upside Down “The U”
C’mon, you know this one. Hurricane fans make a “U” with their hands, despite the fact that Miami actually starts with an M.
Inverting a U makes it, what, like a lower case N? Nebraska already has a hand signal of their own. They don’t need a new one. Please have some respect for the Cornhuskers’ traditions.
Speaking of which …
5. Inverted Cornfinger
Nebraskans try to turn their hands into corn.
I don’t really have a joke, here. Making a vegetable hand sign just seems a bit strange.
Anyway, do not invert the Cornfinger. Corn grows out of the ground, not into the ground. If we start trying to turn corn upside down, we’ll throw off the whole agricultural scene, which will inevitably lead to unwanted trade embargoes and stuff.
6. Upside Down Tomahawk Chop
Atlanta Braves Florida State ignites a rally with a good ol’ tomahawk chop. It looks pretty cool when a whole bunch of people do it—not so much when someone tries to chop solo.
Inverting the tomahawk chop is actually just doing “The Robot,” and you should never, under any circumstances, do the freakin’ robot. It’s a football game, not Soul Train.
7. The Number 1
Everyone holds one finger up. This is stupid. Unless you're Alabama, you're not No. 1. In most cases, you're like No. 23. Holding up one finger is delusional at best and dishonest at worst.
Have some self-awareness. Have some character.
Should you have any questions about any of the above, please forward those inquiries to firstname.lastname@example.org.