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Coaches Say The Darnedest Things: Week 6 Edition

Coaches Say The Darnedest Things: Week 6 Edition

We suffered through the bland press conferences of college coaches to curate the interesting, including Nick Saban's issues with 'Bama NARPs.

Oct 4, 2018 by Kolby Paxton
Coaches Say The Darnedest Things: Week 6 Edition

Press conferences — particularly those involving head football coaches — are often a half-hour of mundane coach-speak that will put even the most interested football fan to sleep.

On the other hand, a handful of moments exist each week within these otherwise innocuous hours of cliches and understatements that make the whole exercise worthwhile.

The good news, for you, is that we suffered through the bland to curate the interesting. Shall we begin?

Rutgers Is An Easy Target, Holgorsen Has Good Aim

During this week’s presser, West Virginia head coach Dana Holgorsen was asked for his take on a Kansas defense that has recorded eight interceptions by eight different players this season.

His answer was everything we love about Holgo:

For those of you who prefer motion pictures over quotations, hop in at the 10:38 mark:

Absolutely true. Absolutely savage.

Speaking Of Dana…

Holgorsen also laughed at defensive tackle Kenny Bigelow, as the 6-3, 300-pounder lay on the AT&T Stadium turf in Lubbock, Texas, last week with an apparent leg injury.

Kind of a weird reaction, no?

Turns out, Bigelow was fine—just cramping—and, when asked to give a quick health report, he provided the following explanation:

“He’s on the carpet motionless,” explained Holgorsen. “I look at him and go, ‘What’s wrong with you?’ He goes, ‘I’m fat.’”

Mike Leach Has His Own Definition Of Balance

Leach was asked about his perception of striking balance offensively—you know, half run, half pass.

The Pirate is 100 percent awesome.

Saban Calls Out The NARPs

Alabama head coach Nick Saban was irritated this week. That much isn’t necessarily noteworthy.

What he was irritated about might be.

Saban called out Alabama’s students on Wednesday for their lack of attendance during the Tide’s demolition of Louisiana last weekend:

Pretty easy to see both sides of this. 

On one hand, yeah, that’s a tough look. On the other, let those among us who are interested in sticking around for the second half of a 49-0 game between The Greatest Football Machine Ever Assembled and the Ragin’ Cajuns cast the first stone.

Frank Diaz Is At FAU?

Anyone with any interest in becoming an FBS football coach should keep the faith.

Next thing we know, Jason Brown will be headed to the SEC.

Lane Kiffin obviously has an affinity for Last Chance U characters, but bringing the seemingly overmatched and overwhelmed Diaz from the sidelines of rural Kansas to the sidelines in Boca Raton is … well, it’s something.

Randy Edsall's Defense Is Offensive

During Randy Edsall's most recent meet and greet with the media, an undoubtedly well-meaning Big J used Wake Forest's recent decision to fire defensive coordinator Jay Sawvel as a super clever segue into what would be a question about the job security of Edsall's defensive coordinator, Bill Crocker: 

Hey, uh, Randy ... admittedly, ol' boy in the peanut gallery isn't as smart as he thinks he is, but this isn't an out-of-nowhere line of questioning.

Your squad ranks 129th in the country in total defense. In related news, there are only 129 teams in said country. That defense is giving up 663 yards per game—which is one hundred freaking yards more than No. 128.

Your squad also ranks dead last in scoring defense, at an average of 53.4 points per game. That's more than the UConn women's basketball team gave up last season (51.8).

So, yeah, people are probably going to ask why your defensive coordinator is still your defensive coordinator.