Behold, the dumbest exercise of the year for the college football-covering media: the Way-Too-Early Top 25.

Every winter, at the first available instant, everyone and their dog spits out a bunch of guesses about which teams will be really good next year, which teams will be kind of good next year, and which teams will come out of clear blue nowhere to shock the world (!!!) — nine months before the next games will be played and without really considering any incoming freshmen.

But, of course, it’s not like freshmen ever make much difference anyway, right?

Oh.

In any case, everyone from Athlon to Sports Illustrated is doing it. In fact, we’re getting a little concerned that there’s some rule in the fine print somewhere that states that you can’t get credentialed next year unless you rank the teams 270 or so days in advance of the 2018-19 season.

Hopefully, sort of participating in this ridiculous ritual while mostly just making fun of everyone else will check the box.

Instead of burning 8,000 words to explain why we’re ranking the hypothetical future version of Auburn ahead of the hypothetical future version of Wisconsin, this whole thing can — and should — simply be divided into eight-ish groups.

Group 1: The Safe And/Or Obvious

1. Alabama

2. Georgia

3. Clemson

Great coach? Check. Great defense? Check. Returning quarterback? Uh, too many checks.

Group 2: The Benefit Of The Doubt

4. Oklahoma

5. Auburn

6. Ohio State

7. Miami

The Sooners and Buckeyes have to replace all-time great quarterbacks, but whatever. We’re talking about OU and Ohio State. Shit’ll buff out. Auburn and Miami fell apart in the postseason, but they’ll totally get it together again next year.

Group 3: A Bunch Of Big Ten Teams We Can’t Really Tell Apart

8. Wisconsin

9. Michigan

10. Michigan State

11. Penn State

With PSU's Saquon Barkley gone and Michigan transfer Shea Patterson not yet in the clear, no one can honestly sort these teams out right now. The Badgers are probably (definitely) the best of the bunch today, but a lot can change between now and Labor Day.

Group 4: A Bunch Of Pac-12 Teams We Can’t Really Tell Apart

12. Washington

13. Southern Cal

14. Stanford

Stanford's Bryce Love and USC's Sam Darnold are gone. Washington's Jake Browning is not. The Pac-12 will probably ultimately cannibalize itself anyway. These are the things we know.

Group 5: Solid Enough, But Let’s Not Get Crazy

15. Virginia Tech

16. LSU

17. Mississippi State

Eight wins and bowl games named after tax returns. That’s what this group does.

Group 6: The Obligatory Brand Names

18. Notre Dame

19. Florida State

20. Texas

Will this be the year that Texas finally puts it all back together? Can Notre Dame ever live up to annually outsized expectations? Is Florida State still Florida State? Folks are just going to keep putting the Longhorns in preseason top 25s until they eventually get it right.

Group 7: Uninspired Toss-Ins

21. West Virginia

22. Boise State

23. Oregon

24. South Carolina

Finally, the portion of the rankings where ideas and insight are running low. The solution? Just pick some annually decent teams and move on.

Group 8: Sleeper City!

25. Florida Atlantic

Oh, but the fun doesn’t end. We conclude this incredibly pointless arrangement of teams with an en vogue sleeper who will inevitably shock the world because we’re so damn clever. 

Prepare yourself for #ThefaU hype train. It’s coming.